HOW TO STOP TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY.
I can’t seem to reiterate this enough, but the only constant in this life is change. Whether it’s positive or negative (or what I like to call surprises or accidents, depending if whether or not we like the outcome), we are constantly combatting obstacles that affect our lives... because secretly, we all don’t like change and are creatures of habit. COVID, on the other hand, has been an earthquake whose Richter-scale blowing tremors were felt and dealt with all around the world. It sent us sprawling as a society and a year later, we are still Easter egg-hunting for our pieces, attempting to put the puzzle back together in some semblance of how things used to be… or of what we at least remembered it being.
While I do actively practice keeping a positive mindset (this active reprogramming has been going on for years), I have to say that it has been hard to dodge, dip, duck, dive and dodge again (where my Dodgeball fans at?) COVID negativity that’s directed solely at me. Even if you end all of the known toxic relationships you have, there will still be times that you are face-to-face (or I guess nowadays it’s more like screen-to-face) with hogwash. Whether it’s a random tantrum from a friend or just a stranger having a bad day, it’s impossible to cut out all shreds of negativity from your life - but then again, we are not here to try and cut it out completely since that would be wasting time on the impossible. Instead, our goal is to learn how to master the dance of life. We must be aware that the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ are the ebbs and flows, the ups and downs and just the other side in which the pendulum swings that makes life, life. There’s no bad news or goods news, there’s just news. However, being human, we have the innate need of labeling things, a survival trait no doubt, but we personalize, compartmentalize and then go
This post came about because I let my EQ drop last week and let someone get inside my head. I got quite upset and taken aback for about ten minutes when the realization that I was allowing the words of a stranger to give me a negative, physical reaction took me aback even further. There was a moment of, did mom really pay all that money for you to go to Tony Robbins seminars when you were 15 so you can let a stranger manipulate your feelings? Followed by an uh-uh betch, I don’t think so. So I went straight to my laptop and made some lemonade by coming back to my virtual home to journal, a cathartic hobby that unfortunately I have not been frequenting much. There is something calming about reading your thoughts and being able to dissect and classify them as batshit crazy or not… and to also realize how minuscule the so called problem which managed to trigger your inner psycho is and to then stop wasting any more time on the matter.
As I’ve been brooding over this post for quite some time now, I knew that I wanted to write about not only the magic that surrounds us daily that go unnoticed as we take it for granted, but the most important magic of all which, surprise surprise, comes from within. This most recent episode made me realize, what a perfect test from my personal life to practice what I preach and refreshen the lessons learnt in seminars long past. Why should I let the negativity of someone else have any effect on me? Rather having it as a blow, why not use it as an opportunity to let the wise words of Don Ruiz live through me and to practice the habit of not taking things personally?
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
Who is Don Miguel Ruiz you ask? Ruiz is a Mexican author of Toltec spiritualistic and neoshamanastic texts. If you have never come across his works, I highly recommend reading The Mastery of Love and The Four Agreements. I remember reading those texts in 2016 and it was as if suddenly I put on a new pair of glasses that finally had the correct prescription and I was able to see clearly again. We all secretly within ourselves know what’s right and what’s wrong, but we get caught up in our dailies that oft than not we forget the way, like Bodhidharma once said, “All know the way, few actually walk it.” Ruiz blessedly reminds us of the way in his works and inspires us to be the few that walk the path.
Now that was a terribly long-winded intro, but as I’ve mentioned earlier, this is also my therapy session right now, so I hope you’ve lasted to here. I’ve listed below some of the things I practice when I find my inner psycho awakening due to an external slight. Here are my five tips to not take things personally:
Remember who you are and that what other people say does not define you. Your actions define you. Don’t get defensive, just keep on doing you. False truths hurt but holding onto bitterness only poisons yourself.
Take a deep breath and realize that it’s not about you. Everyone is the star of their own movie and have their own problems and narratives that they are dealing with, you may just unfortunately be their emotional punching bag at that moment.
Journal. Writing is such a wonderful and powerful way to not only organize your thoughts, but to put things into perspective. You most likely will learn from the encounter and be able to make it a lesson learned.
Yoga. Center yourself through uniting the mind, body and soul by rolling out the yoga mat and free-flow or follow an online class. The mat is an impregnable palace that shields you from malarkey. Visit it frequently and think of it as your best friend and know that it’s as a reliable as the ground, it’ll always be there when you fall.
Walk it off. Unplug from technology and escape for a hike or just go for walk outdoors. If you’re lucky and are able to actually trek amongst the trees, marvel in the beauty of this world that we call home. Go back to the Source.
That’s it for now folks. I hope this was a helpful read/reminder for anyone who may be dealing with drama in their lives. Remember, you are the master of your own reality. Cut the umbilical cord of allowing external forces effect you and take charge of your own emotions. One of the best offense and the best defense in life is having a high EQ to be able to brush off the BS and end that unnecessary suffering. It’s not easy, but the benefits end up being astronomical. I’ll end this with a poem I wrote in 2013 since I’m in an oversharing mood and in hopes that you will remember my words.
Choice: M i s e r y I n f e c t i v e
We like to dwell in our sorrows,
thinking there will be no better tomorrows.
This late-night passive-aggression,
that seems like every poet’s obsession.
Oh why can’t we choose to be happy?
When the colors are grey, to see beauty?
Why must we feed each other’s depression?
That the world is ugly, full of suppression.
I now choose to look a little deeper,
seeing “pretty” does not make me weaker.
I choose to look for a different perspective,
I know it will be hard; misery is infective.
But I know that I have a choice:
To feel sorrow or to rejoice.
I’ve lost chapters to grief and sadness,
To realize and continue? Now that would be madness…
Much Love,
Samantha